He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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