DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
