I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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