Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts

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(434): View more from Virginia

he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him

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(310): View more from California

I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

(1-920): View more from Wisconsin

no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

(920): View more from Wisconsin

he wasn't. neither were you.

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(817): View more from Texas

Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.

(818): View more from California

Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?

(817): View more from Texas

Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation

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(410): View more from Maryland

just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass

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(207): View more from Maine

I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.

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(408): View more from California

I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.

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