Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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