I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
