This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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