it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
