Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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