After last night, I could never be a politician.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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