Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
