Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
