She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
