i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
