theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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