It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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