I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We just shotgunned beers for America
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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