How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
