Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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