Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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