My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I enjoy the company of your penis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
