ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
