I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
