I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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