I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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