After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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