He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
