I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
