trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
