Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize