Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
