I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
