how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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