Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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