Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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