Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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