Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
