Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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