I think i peed on brittanys purse
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
