she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
