I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i came on her dog
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize