Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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