Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
