oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
