Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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