Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
