guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
