90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
