Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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