He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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