I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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