I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
