I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
