Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
