i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need a beard to bite.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
