i need an iv and a liver transplant
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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