I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
