C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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