Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
