She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Houston, we have a squirter
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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