My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
