I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize