Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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