i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
