WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
