First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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