i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
