not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Randomize
