you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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