Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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