How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
