I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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