winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
