I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize