I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
