Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
