I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
