I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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