I want to stick my p in your. b.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
