My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
