you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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