i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
