i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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