Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
