the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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