I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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