Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize