i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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