you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
