Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
