How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
