They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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