Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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