I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As shirtless as possible
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
