I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
