i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
