my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
